Exodus Within

Interesting observation: There is a bit of maniac / depressive stuff going on in my head right now about the book. There are moments when I am really excited about getting it out there, convinced that it will be "successful". Then, there are equal moments when a voice inside me screams at me to "stop this stupid idea". Here is what I see.

On one hand is the businessman in me - the consummate project manager who is moving this project toward point b. This guy knows how to get this done, and knows how to make sure this is successful. There is no doubt in this guy's mind that this will move forward well, and he is already trying to figure out how he is going to juggle the demands of marketing the book and responding to requests with the need to keep doing well at his day job.

On the second hand, there is the guy in me who knows in his heart and soul that he needs to drop this story out there into the river of life, and move on to wherever that leads. This is the Moses in me - listening to G-d nudging me forward from within.

The third hand is Pharaoh, telling me how dumb this idea is. The story is way too personal, and there are surely those who will laugh and ridicule the concepts and the ideas within, to say nothing of the description of experiences.

So perfect and fitting that during this week where we are moving up toward Passover, I see this struggle within.

I think that the key in these sorts of struggles is to not preconceive the miracles that will carry me forward. At this point, I don't know where it is that G-d wants to take me, or what he wants me to carry or do, right? None of us do. The key is to keep listening to the Moses within, and hold tight to the notion that there is a "forward" to move toward. I don't need to know anything about the destinations or the path - I just need to move forward.

Which brings me back to that first voice - that Project Manager within me who will absolutely get me to point b. This guy is good, and he will make things happen. But what will he make happen? What is the Point B that he will take me to? In my little Passover metaphor, I'm going to think of this guy as either Aaron (the brother of Moses) or maybe as Israel - the people. He is a force moving forward, and he has in his mind's eye what it is that he is moving toward. He's not likely to listen to course corrections. He's not likely to waste time on a lonely mountain in front of a burning bush listening to a new idea. He's moving forward.

It takes all three of me to get me to whatever my "Land" is. It takes the Pharaoh within to constantly question, to constantly force me to make sure I'm really pointed in the right direction. It takes the Moses within who is willing to listen to the True Voice. And it takes the Aaron within to keep the momentum going.

May this Pesach be Blessed to all.